To be honest, I had no idea how many transgender folks I encounter on a day to day basis by just walking around NYC until I, and sometimes with my friends, started looking. My intention was not to disrespect or "call out" trans folks. I became a good friend with a female to male post-op guy (heretoafter referred to as Michael, which is not his real name). To be completely frank, I did not know Michael's biological sex until he disclosed that information. Before then, I had no problem referring to him with male pronouns.
Not many people have heard of the phase, "preferred gender pronouns," or understand its importance. When a person likes to be called a she despite her biological sex, you better refer to that person as a she. Transgender folks go great lengths to change what they were given to what they are comfortable with, in spite of cancer risks, social stigma, and the time required for make-up, tucking, hair, and breasts. Let's think of it using an analogy; if an obese man loses a considerable amount of weight by running, exercising, and refusing himself the pleasures of food, how would such a person feel if someone was to call him fat after he got in shape? Transgender operations and hormone injections are hundreds of times more challenging than weight-loss and has a number of risks associated with them. To be called a she (f to m) or a he (m to f), is to say that their efforts were in vain.
Recently, I had a couple of slip-ups of calling Michael a "she." After finding out about Michael's biological sex, I started seeing him more and more as a girl. Somehow, the old image of him being "him" started to fade. I needed to remind myself that he is a "he" every time I think of him. It's a mind-twist! I think the question is, why does it matter what his biological sex is? I interact with Michael on a friendly basis. Why does it matter if he carries a male genitalia or a female genitalia? Michael is still the same, but what I know about him changes how I perceive him.
